3 Leadership Pet Peeves and 3 Ways to Prevent Them

What are yours and how do you lead to prevent them?

Let’s get right to it. Peeve, according to Merriam-Webster, is defined as “a particular grievance or source of aggravation.” Wikipedia (yes, I pushed the easy button) describes a pet peeve, pet aversion, or pet hate as a minor annoyance that an individual finds particularly irritating to a greater degree than the norm.

We all have pet peeves. Here are mine, specific to leadership.

Even those we love the most have annoying behaviors or habits we find harder to tolerate. I come fully equipped with my share of those annoying habits. My wife Leslie, I’m sure, has a list! This doesn’t mean we don’t love each other. Quite the opposite. Because we are deeply committed to each other, we tolerate our pet peeves. In other words, we give each other a pass.

Note the comparison of leadership to marriage — not an accident.

In leadership, as in marriage, leaders form and foster healthy relationships. There is give and take, good listening, and love. I love my people. For all that they are and are not, I love them. I do because they are on my team and because they commit themselves to the vision and mission of my organization.

Loving your people is not a bad thing in leadership. However, if you let that love interfere with leading appropriately (taking corrective action, admonishing, and/or giving feedback), you are an ineffective leader.

One pet peeve I have is people not getting to the point! Here we go.

Pet Peeve #1: Deciding You Disagree with Me After You Have Agreed with Me

When I direct something and give intent to guide people, I expect they will follow my directives. If they change their mind after having accepted the directive and do something different, or do nothing at all, it angers me.

I’m wide open to suggestions and respectful dissent, even after I have issued directives, but it must be presented formally. At times, I have found that I disagree with my boss moments or days after he or she told me to do something. Whenever that happens, I always circle back to reopen the discussion and seek approval(s).

How to Prevent It:

1. Give good, clear guidance in the form of intent.
   Intent = Purpose (why), Key Tasks (those steps I know to be essential), and End State (a description of how it should look, sound, feel when complete). Read more about intent here.

2. Invite immediate feedback and dissent.
   Don’t just direct. Ensure it is understood. See if there are ideas or better ways to achieve end state.

3. Create an environment that welcomes dissent.
   Be open to being challenged. Just make sure dissent without approval is discouraged.

Pet Peeve #2: Selfishness

I despise selfishness. I’m selfless to my core. The U.S. Army instilled selflessness in me, and it stuck. It’s not about me; it’s about the mission and the greater team. Others first, before me. Leaders eat last.

These philosophies guide my leadership, and when I come across a person who is counter to this, it turns me off. When I witness selfish language or behavior, it turns me off.

How to Prevent It:

1. Set the example in word and deed.
   Act and speak in selfless ways. Be the last to eat, the first to arrive, and the last to leave.

2. Give the advantage and benefit of the doubt to your people.
   Hold yourself to a higher standard. Speak selflessly: “…for the team, our cause, the mission…”

3. Address selfishness right away when you see it.

Pet Peeve #3: Bringing Me Problems, Not Solutions

When a person brings a problem to their leader without a proposed solution, they are only creating more work for the leader.

“Boss, the van needs an oil change…”

Is that my problem to solve now? This can be challenging for people, but it is still a pet peeve of mine. A subordinate must offer something in the form of a solution, even if only an idea.

How to Prevent It: